Too early French morning for politics...

It`s 6:36 am here. My guy`s Skype is off already....He just went to sleep I guess. That darn 9 hour time change! 

I would have liked to be able to talk to him this morning. So I`ll confess my thoughts to our blog instead.

Latest news: the decision to uphold prop 8 in California (not a surprise I hear), and Sonia Sotomayor nominated at the supreme court . 

Is the wind pushing us towards the other side of the Atlantic if we are hoping to ever get the same rights as straight couples (including immigration- or just mere working rights)? 

Obama may not be as progressive as we all have envisioned him.

For sure he has less power than we would like to think.  

Yes he has "serious" priorities!

Economics and politics make gay rights sound like a secondary issue...

I imagine that like any politician would easily figure it out, his reelection in 2012 with the frank support of latinos weighs more in the scale in terms of potential votes than those of the gay community. It`s mathematical.

Whatever it is, it makes me wanna go back to sleep.

I wish I could hold my guy in my arms and just stop worrying about things I have no control over anyway. 

Perhaps we will have to very seriously consider living in Europe one day if we ever want to have a common life. I have to let all this go as all the rest and trust that our love will be stronger than politics. Sometimes in history when freedom and equality were obviously dismissed, it was for the best in the long run. 

Look at Spain. Would that surprising country be so progressive today if Franco had not ruled the country at some point? 

Would Germany look like today if it was not for the horrors of the third Reich? 

Would  the French revolution have existed and inspired so many (including the United States) if it was not because of the shameful inequalities of the "Ancien Regime"?

So I am going to sleep...

for the five remaining minutes I can!

P.

Patterns of acceptance

Southern California has a weather pattern in late spring.  Foggy overcast mornings created by a thick marine layer that gets trapped by the mountains.  The sun eventually breaks through by late afternoon.  The media has come up with their little catch phrases.  In May it's called "May Gray." In June, it's called "June Gloom."  There is no difference between the two other than the name. The result is always the same; thick overcast clouds in the morning breaking away to warm sunshine in the late afternoon.

When I first moved here, I had a hard time with this weather pattern.  By the time the sun came out in the late afternoon, it felt like too much of the day had passed to do anything.  The gloomy, or gray weather depending on the month, was quite depressing.

This morning, when I woke up to the deep marine layer, I thought, "It will pass."  I've been here long enough to know that soon the pattern will break and we will be blessed with some pretty spectacular weather.  I don't like it, but I know it's not forever.

I thought about our relationship pattern.  I don't like when we are apart, especially for extended periods of time.  Like the skyline of Southern California, my mind goes to some gloomy and gray areas.  I have the comfort and experience in knowing that like the May Gray and the June Gloom, this too will pass.  Soon you will be in my arms and the sad, gloomy days will be forgotten.  

Just like the late spring season in Southern California, I don't like our separation, but if not for the gray, I might take the every day for granted.

An email, a phone call, Skype, and now blog postings from you are my late afternoon sunshine breaking through the fog.  All these in anticipation for our glorious summer weather.  Is that too much of an expectation?  I don't care.  Having you in my arms is the only weather forecast I care about. 

I love you my baby. 

Did ja git that?

I like reading my partner's posts. It's like unwrapping a Christmas or Birthday present.  I get curious and excited every time I enter the address and go onto our blog.  Picture a big smile on my face while I savor every entry he has made.  It's like I'm looking into a part of his creative mind and deeper into his soul.  I know him well and get to know him better with every character typed.  I beam with pride.  

Look at our differences.  He gets to quote Aung San Suu Kyi and the US Immigration lottery manual, while I quote Madonna.  Now who has the more purposeful life?  

The idea of having a blog is not scary to me.  Putting myself out there is something I have practice with.  I'm not afraid to reveal my deep passions and desires especially on the World Wide Web.  Do they call it the World Wide Web anymore?  

But what if I don't have any words of wisdom or deep passions?  What if I don't know who Aung San Suu Kyi is, or if I never saw Dances with Wolves?  The latter is true.  What do I have to add to the blog? Up until this point, just a bunch of questions.  Writing does not come easy for me and that's no excuse.

So I will continue to open my gifts and wonder if mine are good enough.  

"Dances with wolves"

I watched (again) "Dances with wolves" yesterday. It is a surprisingly "spirit inhabited" movie. 

I acknowledged once more my bond with that land, that space, and the culture that prevailed amongst some of these native American tribes. The same than the one I experience every time I am in the US Parks.  

The photography and light in the movie express this uniqueness in a beautiful manner. 

However, it was hard for me to refrain from crying from almost the beginning till the end. 

The sense of loss and damage I felt by the end was so big, so overwhelming, that it  became almost unbearable. 

The sadness I experience around that issue finds no relief in today`s world as I understand it.

Changes are inevitable, but sometimes it seems that it is for the worst. It requires a lot of faith to believe that what we in the name of modern "civilization" have destroyed will somehow be able to grow again in a different or better way.

P.

Culture shock...? No I just made it up for the conversation!

Culture Shock

Culture shock is a mental state of isolation, confusion, seclusion, sadness, and loneliness.Don’t be afraid if you experience culture shock. These feelings are normal and expected when somebody moves in a totally different environment where everything is totally new.

People who experience culture shock seem to go through distinctive phases. The first phase, you will probably feel that you miss your family very much, you will start comparing your home country with the united States in terms of traditions, food, so forth. In the second phase, you may feel depressed and fear going out and meeting new people. You will start forming personal opinions about American people and American culture.

These opinions might be totally stereotypical and  out of context.The only way to get out of culture shock is to realize that you are here for a period of time and that you will need to make certain adjustments for survival, that it is ok to be different and that you are not an American and are not expected to act like one. 

(from a USA immigration lottery manual)

P. 

a search for meaning

 « Life is not primarily a quest for pleasure, as Freud believed, or a quest for power as Adler taught, but a quest for meaning. The greater task for any person is to find meaning in his or her life. Frankl saw three possible sources for meaning: in work (doing something significant), in love (caring for another person), and in courage during difficult times.”

(from Harold S. .Kushner`s foreword  in “Man`s search for meaning” by  Viktor E.Frankl.

I am still reading “Man`s search for meaning” by  Viktor E.Frankl. It`s been one of my recent very insightful readings. At about the same time we watched (1st time for me) the movie "The Schindler list" a few weeks ago. There are more funny ways to spend leisure time, but since then I have been remembering more easily that I have a lot to be grateful for what I have in my life today. P.

Aix en Provence. Minus 32 days

I realize that what makes my love for you so different, more meaningful and so deep is that no matter how I look at our circumstances, whether I love or hate them, they enable me to invite into my life, new ways to make healthier choices for my life. So it has a much broader impact than I would have imagined. Remembering this helps me renew my commitment and nurture the trust and faith that we are just where we need to be.P 

Tahquitz Peak "Eeeduulvieeld" (Idyllwild,CA) April 26. 2009

One of the many precious things we have in common is the love of hiking in nature or, even better go backpacking in the wilderness. In such pristine natural beauty, I find an infinite source of peace and serenity. It always works as an incredibly powerful tool to reconnect with the Universe and that safe rock within  myself. One of the most immediate result is that, our two souls then feel like united. Nothing negative interferes between us during those precious moments. They inspire insightful sharing that can be remembered when down times come back.  

Tahquitz peak, last April, was one of these many hikes we have been so lucky to go on since we met almost 2 years ago, so full of light, and peace. 

I call it absolute luxury.

P.

Daw Aung San Suu Kyi

Aung San Suu Kyi, leader of the nonviolent movement for human rights and democracy in Burma (Myanmar), and Nobel laureate.

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Burma is one of the most beautiful country I was lucky enough to visit, almost  24 years ago. The people seemed like the most gentle one can imagine in spite the hell in which they have had to live for so long. Everyday pays its toll in murders and deprivation from basic freedom. May the stunning beauty, grace, courage and example of Aung and many others less known not be forgotten. May their sacrifice remind us that we need to be grateful for the freedom we have.

P.

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In The Quiet Land

In the Quiet Land, no one can tell
if there's someone who's listening
for secrets they can sell.
The informers are paid in the blood of the land
and no one dares speak what the tyrants won't stand.

In the Quiet land of Burma,
no one laughs and no one thinks out loud.
In the quiet land of Burma,
you can hear it in the silence of the crowd

In the Quiet Land, no one can say
when the soldiers are coming
to carry them away.
The Chinese want a road; the French want the oil;
the Thais take the timber; and SLORC takes the spoils...

In the Quiet Land....
In the Quiet Land, no one can hear
what is silenced by murder
and covered up with fear.
But, despite what is forced, freedom's a sound
that liars can't fake and no shouting can drown.

 

Free bird towards a free Burma
By Daw Aung San Suu Kyi

My home...
where I was born and raised
used to be warm and lovely
now filled with darkness and horror.

My family...
whom I had grown with
used to be cheerful and lively
now living with fear and terror.

My friends...
whom I shared my life with
used to be pure and merry
now living with wounded heart.

A free bird...
which is just freed
used to be caged
now flying with an olive branch
for the place it loves.

A free bird towards a Free Burma.

Why do I have to fight???
By Daw Aung San Suu Kyi

They killed my father a year ago,
And they burnt my hut after that
I asked the city men "why me?" they ignored
"I don't know, mind your business," the men said.
One day from elementary school I came home,
Saw my sister was lifeless, lying in blood.

I looked around to ask what happened, if somebody'd known,
Found no one but living room as a flood.
Running away by myself on the village road,
Not knowing where to go but heading for my teacher
Realizing she's the only one who could help to clear my throat,
But this time she gave up, telling me strange things in fear.

Why, teacher, why.. why.. why?
I have no dad nor a sister left.
To teach me and to care for me you said, was that a lie?
This time with tearful eyes she, again, said...
"Be a grown one, young man,
Can't you see we all are dying?
And stop this with your might as soon as you can,
For we all are suffering."

Daw Aung San Suu Kyi

Pierre loves Randy

 

I am thrilled at the idea of such a common space where we can share and keep in memory what goes through our minds, hearts and lives...

 When you are 30 zillion miles away from the person you love the most in the entire world, it may symbolically mean a lot be able to express or pour out all these feelings, even if the interface seems virtual. 

The relationship,  the love, thoughts and commitment are not virtual.They are real regardless of the physical world and appearances.

This my 1st blog . So I`ll discover what it feels like to start one,  how to use it, how it will turn out to look like.

Will it be redundant with emails? Will it be written as a journal? Will I directly write to you Randy ? Will it be a testimony of love? a celebration of Life? Will it be the place where my I can allow myself to be "heartful" or hurtful? A photo album?  A travel log or a note book for important experiences or even information to never forget...

I don`t know yet. 

I`d like to try to let be and let it go (even if it may at time look like a wordy weird "Frenglish"-Yes I have a French brain. And moreover a half one only!) .

If I had to make a wish though it would be that even if I cannot force myself to be a paragon of optimism, I`d like my entries to come from that "Gog" (or "H.P.") place in me. If not, then it`s also OK. No one can always be in the best place.

I`d like to know that when I am in doubt, in pain, feeling lonely, or full of gratitude, I can come here and be closer to the core of what makes this journey -and particularly the journey of a wonderful intimate relationship- worth all the challenges.

Being reminded that we can always make the choice to look at what we have rather than at what we don`t.

Voila. that`s it. 

PIERRE LOVES RANDY...

 

 

 

Starting is easy... Now what happens?

I don't know how to start.  What do I type about?  Is this just another project that I've jumped into without any thought?  

I certainly have a lot to say, especially when it comes to writing about the person I love more than anyone else.  We thought it would be a good idea to post notes to ourselves in a blog, but I need to set some ground rules for myself first.  Perhaps this answers the first question.

1.)  I will not plan to post something everyday.

It might seem like a good idea, and I know some people who do post every day.  Given our lives today, it is just not realistic.  I will not get down on myself or on Pierre if we don't use the sight as it was intended. Or if we don't have time to post every day.

2.)  Like my writing journal, it does not have to be perfect.

I'm not a good writer in general.  Sometimes I'm insightful, and sometimes my writing is mundane. We won't even go there about grammar, spelling and punctuation.  I won't beat myself up for imperfection.

3.)  I will try to stick to the purpose.  

The purpose is to profess our love.  Sometimes that is insightful, and sometimes it is not.  As we've come to realize, the day to day is not to be taken for granted.  We love each other.  Great! So what?  Who cares?

I care.  

Perhaps that answers the second question.  Starting my relationship with Pierre was easy because my heart told me it was the right thing to do. I quickly realized that I had found my soul mate.

Just like jumping into my relationship with Pierre, I've taken action on jumping into a web log. 

If I had every email address in the world, I would send a message with the link to OUR blog so they could read only three words.

Randy loves Pierre

I want everybody to know, but more importantly, I want Pierre to know.

That is the purpose.