Head talking

I got to go to Joshua Tree National Park - alone.  It's not the best time of year to be there, but with the crappy weather Long Beach has been experiencing, I figured, "Why not."  So I loaded up the car Sunday morning and headed out after meeting some friends on the beach.  I didn't want to get there too early, so I stopped by a resort in Palm Springs to soak up some sun before getting on the 10.

On the way, my head was swimming with the bad things that could be happening and that were going to happen. Then I took the exit to get to the Joshua Tree entrance.  My heart filled with pride.  "So what if they happen." I said to myself.  I'm going to be camping shortly.  

Because it was Sunday evening, and because it is summer, I only saw two cars all the way up to the campground.  That's when my head was thinking "This is going to be great!  There's hardly anybody here!"  What I was not considering was that the Ranger's felt that way too.  The campground that I was dying to stay in was closed.  

Now my head is saying "CRAP!"  I knew the large campground at the entrance was open, but I had no desire to camp there.  So I kept going.  I went to the campground called "Jumbo Rocks."  Pierre and I stayed there once in the height of the season.  We were lucky to get a spot.  I think we pissed a few people off getting it too. We had a nice time there, but I felt a little like a sardine. 

This campground must have over 100 sites.  If the campsite at the entrance is the condominium of Joshua Tree, this site is the Co-op.  Sure enough, it was open.  I got an o.k. site.  Not near any rocks, but private enough.  I set up camp and had a GREAT fire.  Sleeping was perfect.  The temperature not too cold.  I was able to keep the top flap open, so when I woke up in the middle of the night, as I frequently do, I could see the stars.  I woke up one time and saw a shooting star.

The highlight of the trip was my morning hike.  I didn't know what time it was, but I had finished my coffee and was on my way.  I took the wrong way out of the parking lot and passed by Ryan Mountain.  Pierre and I had done this quick little 1.5 mile hike before, and I spontaneously turned into the lot and decided to take it on my own.  

I did pass one person in the parking lot who looked like he/she was going on the hike, and there was one other car in the lot.  When I got to the top, the only person up there was heading down.  I got to stay up there for about 1/2 hour on my own, contemplating my negative thinking and feeling grateful for my abundance.  The weather was perfect, not too hot or cold. On my way down, I passed 10 people on their way up.  Perfect timing.  My spur of the moment planning worked out.

I miss Pierre when I'm doing stuff like this, but I'm grateful that missing him does not stop me from doing the things I like to do.  I want to be with him always, but I recognize the value of doing things alone.  So for today, I will go about my business wondering what he is doing.  I will attempt to have a life knowing that a part of me is not whole.  I will try to appreciate the beauty of nature and the gifts I've been given, even if I have to do it without the love of my life.